Hand Signals

Ever wonder why you feel uncomfortable meeting someone for the first time? Wonder why you don't get invited back for that second interview? Here's a clue.

Written Dec 15, 2007, read 794 times since then.

Imagine you're at a networking function and meet a stranger who gives you the "palm down" handshake. That is, the palm of her hand is turned towards the ground at about a 45-degree angle. This forces the palm of your hand upwards.

What ten messages did you just pick up before she even spoke?

Chances are she is a decision-maker with her company. It's been found that 78% of upper-management people will use this palm down handshake.
Her message: "I do the talking. You do the listening."
When she forced your palm up, she placed you in a submissive position. She wants to be in control.
Don't ask a lot of questions.
Expect quick decisions.
She goes with her gut, and her instincts are usually right.
Don't engage in small talk, cut to the chase, and expect to be interrupted often.
She talks quidkly so you'll have to match her speed to keep from losing her.
She's not bothered by the fear of rejection.
She's direct and blunt and won't mind telling you what she thinks. Hurt your feelings? Too bad. "Get over it" are words that will be carved on her tombstone.

One final note: in America the handshakes are not gender specific. Men will use these handshakes on other men, women will use them on other women, and men and women will use them on each other.

Learn more about the author, Jerry Hocutt.

Comment on this article

Posted by Richard Whitaker, Federal Way, Washington | Dec 16, 2007

I have learned never to extend my hand first because my prospect may make the assumption that I'm just another sales person. I want to set myself apart from all the other "just sales people".
Posted by Brian Crouch, Bothell & Seattle, Washington | Dec 21, 2007

Jerry thanks for your article.

Also, Jerry, I typically extend my hand palm upwards immediately upon meeting a person for the first time. Although I am a type A personality, I use the "submissive" handshake because the other person deserves to be comfortable and at ease. My perspective on business is that I'm there to give something, and to help the other party, not dominate them or to take anything; that should be reflected in all verbal and non-verbal communication. Thus, they aren't a "prospect," and certainly not "my prospect," but a person with whom I'm dealing. They will see me as the same: a person, not a label. Everything flows from that perspective.

If they had extended their hand first then my handshake is a reactive response instead of a proactive offering, so I'd prefer to be the first with the offer.
Posted by Michael Halligan, San Francisco, California | Jan 19, 2008

Could you please cite your source for the 78% statistic, along with information about the study was conducted? Or did this come from a "I'm a business guru, buy my book" type resource?
Posted by Cathy Goodwin, Seattle, Washington | Feb 09, 2008

Interesting article...what about "palm sideways?"
Posted by Jerry Hocutt, Kent, Washington | Feb 09, 2008

Michael: I'm certainly no guru and hate the word...and am especially suspicious of anyone who says they are. Best source for handshakes: Allan Pease, the body language expert in his two books Signals and The Definitive Book on Body Language.

Cathy: that is the most accepted B2B handshake (as long as you go web-to-web at the thumbs and don't make it a dead fish or half hand handshake).

Brian: To me, the palm up handshake is the best of them all and the one I use. It immediately relaxes the other person and they will open up more quickly and you have a much better conversation.
Posted by Koren Reyes, New York, New York | Mar 14, 2008

Thanks very much for posting this. And thanks for responding to the commentors' questions.

When do you think it's appropriate to extend a palm-down handshake?
Posted by Jerry Hocutt, Kent, Washington | Mar 14, 2008

Koren - thanks for your comment. I would never use the palm-down as a tactic to get the upper hand on someone. Just knowing that they're initiating it on me is enough of a red signal for me to be on my guard.

But I do know several Driver personalities who will use the palm down technique when they go into negotiations.

Also, when I was doing a training session with a large newspaper group, I was told by several managers that they went to a class that taught them to specifically use the palm down shake on their upcoming negotiations with labor. They said it worked like a charm and they won their negotiation points.

The more you know...
Posted by Koren Reyes, New York, New York | Mar 14, 2008

Great perspective - thank you.
Posted by Bruce Colthart, Paramus, New Jersey | Mar 21, 2008

All this discussion so close to Palm Sunday...I wish my reading this article was timed better(!)

While I'm quite critical of handshakes I've received – the limp fish, the bone crusher, the royal fingertips (I'm sure there's more accepted names) – I wasn't aware of the palm-up/down issue. Very interesting! I'll be adding the palm-up handshake to my introduction.
Posted by Vicki Kriner, Portland, Oregon | Jun 10, 2008

This was a very interesting piece (and subsequent comments!) on all of the communication contained in a simple hand shake.

I will look more closely at the hands offered at my next networking event, and at the silent messages they are sending.

Vicki Kriner

www.ScarletGirl.com