Seattle Community

Greatly helpful
8.4
out of 10
35 votes

How Not To Network

Networking is all about meeting people and making conversation, but there’s much more to it than that, or there could be, if you do it right. Ilise Benun's article will prevent you from making all the networking mistakes.

Written Jan 13, 2008, read 3624 times since then.

 

I went to a networking event recently where I met a lot of people who clearly knew how to network. Professionals were introducing themselves to me right and left, handing over their business cards, offering their services, asking me what my company, “Marketing Mentor,” is all about. I didn’t see one wallflower standing alone in the corner. No one seemed to have any qualms about talking to strangers or any queasiness when extricating themselves from our conversation to move on to another; it was all done with grace and skill. On the surface, they were doing it beautifully. Even a shy networker would have been fine with this crowd.

But appearances are often deceiving. You see, it’s true that networking is about meeting people and making conversation, which this group did really well. But there’s much more to it than that, or there could be, if you approach networking with the “marketing mindset.”

The “marketing mindset” is a way of looking at the world and seeing every meeting, every situation, every person you meet as an opportunity to make a business connection. It’s not always appropriate to take advantage of the situation, but at least you will see it and make a conscious decision to act or not. And, you won’t miss opportunities.

Here’s what I mean:

1. Make Your Nametag a Silent Conversation Starter. The organizer of this event had not provided nametags -- just blank labels – so each attendee had to write their own name. Simple, right? You grab a ball point pen and print your name like you always do. Well, that’s what they did and the nametags were almost illegible. The main problem was that almost everyone wrote only their first and last name. No company name or title, no clue as to what they do. A nametag has the potential to be a silent conversation-starter, which is especially helpful for those who are nervous talking to strangers. If all you write is your name, you aren’t giving other attendees anything to work with. It’s a small thing but has a big impact.

Here’s what to do instead: Think a moment before you decide what to write. Using the “marketing mindset,” ask yourself: Is my company name familiar? Does it say what my company does?” If not, your tagline may a good thing to include on your nametag as well. Also:

  • Make sure your name is legible and written with a thick marker, if possible, so it’s visible from afar and people don’t need to squint or lean in close to read it. For the same reason, don’t use your business card as a nametag.
  • In bold, easy to read letters, include your name, your professional designation, your company name and your title.
  • Put your Web address on your nametag too. Not only will it be a conversation starter, but it will plant a little seed for someone to visit your Web site.
  • You can even use it to ask a question about a resource you need (“Know any good designers?”) Make it funny or unusual. Others will notice and see it as an invitation into conversation.

2. Introduce Yourself with Pizzaz. “I’m a lawyer,” said one guy in a suit as he held out his hand to shake mine. Not the most engaging way to start a conversation, especially because there are so many types of lawyers, and so many different ways to react to the statement, “I’m a lawyer.” I must admit, my eyes usually glaze over when I hear it. I would much prefer to hear what type of law he practices and/or what kind of clients he works with. He could have said, “I practice entertainment law and I work with film production companies and movie stars.” That would get my attention.

I do, however, remember one lawyer who labeled himself as a lawyer but added one word which did indeed make it more compelling. He said, “I’m a Hoboken lawyer,” which piqued my interest, as images of Marlon Brando and Frank Sinatra came to mind.

3. Don’t Use Jargon. “I work for Pitney Bowes,” said another man, proffering his card. That’s also very common: people introducing themselves by telling who their employer is. If it’s a familiar company, as Pitney Bowes is, it can certainly help to orient me toward his industry. But what exactly does it tell me about who he is or what he does? If I want to know more, I have to ask a few more questions.

“And what do you do for Pitney Bowes?” I asked. “I’m in Print Management,” he said. Uh oh – jargon! I know what each of those two words – print and management -- mean by themselves, but I didn’t know what they meant together. Alienation is often the effect of jargon on those outside your industry. That’s why it’s essential to think first about who you’re talking to before deciding what to say, even in answer to the question, “What do you do?”

4. Always Follow Up. This is Networking 101 but it bears repeating because no matter how well you know the importance of follow up, very few people actually do it. After this event, not one person followed up with me. No email messages saying, “Great to meet you.” I didn’t even get spammed by anyone’s email marketing list.

Are we just too busy to follow up? Or maybe we just don’t know what to say? It does take a few minutes to compose a short email message and if you don’t remember exactly what you discussed, you may assume the other person doesn’t remember either. But no matter what you tell yourself when you’re sitting in front of a blank screen with a stack of cold business cards, push yourself to make the effort to write a short note. That way, your email address and message is in their inbox, just in case.

Here’s another technique to prevent blank screen/blank mind: Set the foundation for follow up while you’re talking. Note anything unusual about them or the work they do, any details or specifics that you might forget. Note also, right then and there, any ideas you have about follow up: the link you promised to send or the resource you want to pass along. That way, you will never be able to use the ‘blank mind” as an excuse.

One objective of networking is to plant seeds for future relationships. That’s another part of the “marketing mindset.” But if all you can think of is, “What can this person do for me right now?” you’ll miss out on a lot of great opportunities down the road.

If you miss the chance to expand your network today just because you don’t take the time or don’t know what to say, you may never know what you’re missing. The executive you follow up with today may just be the person hiring tomorrow or the one who could put in a good word at a company you’re talking to. So even if you recognize the value of networking and consider yourself a seasoned networker, always be striving to improve your networking.

Learn more about the author, Ilise Benun.

Comment on this article

  • Dan McComb
    Posted by Dan McComb, Seattle, Washington | Jan 13, 2008

    Great article, Ilise. To your excellent points, I'd also like to add: Plan ahead. Quality networking organizations should provide you with an RSVP list of who will be attending the event, which you can view on the event's web page, and even print out and bring with you. Spend a few minutes reviewing this list before you arrive, and get an idea of who you want to meet while you're there.

    If you just show up, you're likely to drift around and make connections more by chance than by design, especially at larger events. Most events don't last long enough for you to meet everyone attending, so targeting your efforts can go a long way toward making your networking more effective.

  • Danielle Williams
    Posted by Danielle Williams, Portland, Oregon | Jan 13, 2008

    Very informative, Ilise. We are excited to post this on our site and add you to our business mentors.

    D

  • Michelle Basey
    Posted by Michelle Basey, Kirkland, Washington | Jan 14, 2008

    Wow! Thank you so much Ilise. So many things I hadn't even thought of before!

  • Glenn Mattsson
    Posted by Glenn Mattsson, Santa Rosa, California | Jan 14, 2008

    Thanks for the reminders. All too often, people are walking advertisements, as in, "what's in it for me, me, me," instead of offering something of value and looking at it from the receiver's standpoint.

  • Stephanie Ostrea
    Posted by Stephanie Ostrea, Woodinville, Washington | Jan 15, 2008

    Ilese, thank you so much for the reminders, sometimes I do forget and I even learned a thing or two from you. A most gracious thank you!!

  • Kris Conway
    Posted by Kris Conway, Seattle, Washington | Jan 15, 2008

    Nice job! Simple, to the point and really simple.

  • Cindy Engquist
    Posted by Cindy Engquist, Annandale, Virginia | Jan 15, 2008

    Excellent article, Ilise! I especially like your discussion about the nametags.

  • Tatyana Dzhafarova
    Posted by Tatyana Dzhafarova, Bellevue, Washington | Jan 16, 2008

    Great article with really helpful ideas! Thank you!

  • James Lamberto
    Posted by James Lamberto, Bend, Oregon | Jan 16, 2008

    I really enjoyed the article. I found it to be very informative and I like Dan McCombs follow up Comments as well

  • Dan McComb
    Posted by Dan McComb, Seattle, Washington | Jan 17, 2008

    Thanks James. I love your job title: Consulting /Insurance/Winemaking. You sound like a pretty versatile guy! How do you introduce yourself at networking events??

  • Melanie Heywood
    Posted by Melanie Heywood, Sunrise, Florida | Jan 18, 2008

    Ilise--I like what you have to say about the "Marketing Mindset"--I had to learn to get into that mindset, as it's really about quality, not quantity. Too many people run around at meetings shoving their business cards at you.

    And I've found that getting in the mindset of "what can I do to help the other guy"? really helps cultivate relationships, and opens up for reciprocating with each other.

    Also your points about the Follow Up is critical. I think that's where most people fall short. I try to send a follow-up email after each event where I make new contacts.

    And about the nametags...I use "Listie" oftentimes, which isn't my name, it's my website character's nickname and that definitely gets attention.

    However, I'm perplexed on how to use a big marker AND include a web address on a name tag...for instance, mine is WAY too long to include...so that could be kind of tricky.

    But definitely some good stuff here! Thanks a bunch.

  • Dani Nordin
    Posted by Dani Nordin, Watertown, Massachusetts | Jan 18, 2008

    Great article as usual, Ilise. One of the things that I notice about the "marketing mindset" is that it helps me to focus on an intention or goal when I'm at a networking event - I know when I walk in what I'm there for, and I end up having a more productive meeting.

    I'm especially intrigued by the nametag advice - one of the benefits to having a business called "the zen kitchen" is that it's an instant conversation starter. Everyone wants to know what it is, and that makes it easier for me to talk about it.

  • Stephen Walter
    Posted by Stephen Walter, Shoreline, Washington | Jan 18, 2008

    Great article, Ilise. It is amazing how subtle, little things can make such a difference. Nice perspcetive and tips.

  • Piper Lauri Salogga
    Posted by Piper Lauri Salogga, Seattle, Washington | Jan 18, 2008

    Thanks for the great info.. a reminder about how to open to new people, new business, without forcing it!

  • Rachael Eaton
    Posted by Rachael Eaton, Seattle, Washington | Jan 18, 2008

    Thanks for the article Ilise. It's a good reminder of the basics; we know them and yet forget them much of the time.

  • Paul  Scarzo
    Posted by Paul Scarzo, Burbank, California | Jan 18, 2008

    Good basic advice. Even the comments are well informed. However, Melanie's web address problem could be a basic marketing mistake: Her company name might be too long and therefore easily forgotten.

  • Dina Johnson
    Posted by Dina Johnson, Seattle, Washington | Jan 18, 2008

    About the nametag: Try printing a sheet of 2 X 4 inch mailing labels with your name, and business or title underneath, in a bold distinctive font, centered on each label.

    Cut out one label from the sheet and bring it with you to the networking event. There you will peel it off its backing and affix it to the event nametag you are given.

    Your tag will get more admiration and attention than the usual messily scrawled magic-marker version.

  • LaSara FireFox
    Posted by LaSara FireFox, Ukiah, California | Jan 18, 2008

    I agree that the idea about the nametag was great! I'll use that strategy the next time I have the chance. I like the idea of being creative with it, having fun, making it visually appealing AND intriguing. That idea alone will attract the sort of folks I want to bring into my network of friends and associates. Thanks!

  • Justin Favreau
    Posted by Justin Favreau, Seattle, Washington | Jan 18, 2008

    Great article Ilise! I also found tremendous value in Dan's additional tip. Thank you both.

  • Hazel Boone
    Posted by Hazel Boone, Severna Park, Maryland | Jan 18, 2008

    Great Article! Can't write more. I've got to finish writing "enjoyed meeting you" notes from the last networking event I attended!

  • Keith Stonehouse
    Posted by Keith Stonehouse, Rochester Hills & Northville, Michigan | Jan 18, 2008

    HORRIBLE ARTICLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok... kidding, but seriously as everyone else said - Great Article. I am a firm believer in Networking and even more importantly - the follow up! Keeping in touch whether it be through emails, thank you cards, random phone calls, putting people together for luncheons or for drinks - whatever... brand your name and what you SPECIALIZE in for the ones around you and eventually you will be at the top of everyone's list!

  • Kimberly Dow
    Posted by Kimberly Dow, Frederick, Maryland | Jan 18, 2008

    Great article! I have just started attending weekly networking events, so this is extremely good advice. I especially like the idea of using your name tag as a marketing tool! I have always been conscious of including my name and company, but next time i have to fill one out, i'm going to use it to market myslef even more (maybe do a quick rendering of my company logo). I'm a graphic designer, after all, so it would be a quick and easy way to show my skills, and use as a conversation starter. thanks for your advice!

  • Charles Sullivan
    Posted by Charles Sullivan, Gaithersburg, Maryland | Jan 19, 2008

    Superb column, both timeless and timely. In regard to Point Number 4, "follow up with the contact," time is of the essence. I try to send a followup email the SAME day as the event for four reasons: (1) the conversation is still fresh in my mind; (2) my quick responsiveness demonstartes that I believe THEM to be important; (3) people admire and trust those who take action instead of talk about it; and (4) rarely does anybody else follow up with them after a networking event.

  • Paul Spafford
    Posted by Paul Spafford, Ottawa, Ontario Canada | Jan 19, 2008

    Good point about making an interesting nametag, Ilise. One time when I was filling out a form for an event, I wasn't sure what my job title should be, so I filled in "Supreme Commander". It didn't occur to me that this would end up on my nametag.

    I think almost every person made a point of coming up and talking to me about it.

  • Katalin Goencz
    Posted by Katalin Goencz, Stamford, Connecticut | Jan 19, 2008

    I love the nametag suggestion as people often trying to figure out what you do. I don't like the stick on stuff to begin with and instituted my own. I have a collection of clear plastic nametags, but now I will take it to the next level and make it more unique.

    Thank you for the follow up reminder. I needed that.

  • Shahmin Mahmood
    Posted by Shahmin Mahmood, renton, Washington | Jan 20, 2008

    Thanks for the insight. I typically am the wall flower type at events like this and need to know how to break into good conversation. I like your label suggestion very much and will definately use this tip the next time I'm at an event.

  • Frank Salerno
    Posted by Frank Salerno, Seattle, Washington | Jan 20, 2008

    I didn't see anything in the article about noogies, super flying noogies, wedgies, twisters, bumping chests... you know- "old school" networking.

    Is this out of fashion?

    Thank you for the article. :)

  • Joe Kennedy
    Posted by Joe Kennedy, Bellevue, Washington | Jan 21, 2008

    I'd fully recommend that other BizNikers read Ilise's book "Stop Pushing Me Around" - it's a very information read.

  • Omid Roustaei
    Posted by Omid Roustaei, Seattle, Washington | Jan 29, 2008

    Thank you for your insightful article. Perfect timing as I begin my networking with biznik!

  • Ilise Benun
    Posted by Ilise Benun, Hoboken, New Jersey | Jan 31, 2008

    Thanks everyone for all those comments and contributions to the ideas. Who knew that nametag tip would be such a hit?

    I agree with Charles Sullivan's reasons for following up right away and thanks especially to Joe Kennedy for plugging my book. (It's on Amazon.com).

  • Dick Carlson
    Posted by Dick Carlson, Columbia, South Carolina | Jan 31, 2008

    As an "Instructional Designer" I have problems with that jargon thing as well. I've started putting "Chief Knowledge Farmer" on my nametags at shows, and it really helps start the conversation.

    Legible is also a key. Luckily, my mom was a kindergarten teacher, so I can print in nice clear block letters. And I bring some brightly colored "Sharpie" markers in my traveling briefcase, so it really stands out over a scribbled ballpoint.

  • Cathie Nichols
    Posted by Cathie Nichols, Carlsbad, California | Feb 02, 2008

    Wow! I'm completely impressed! I've always considered myself a major marketing maven but I never even considered using a name tag before.

    And here is one more little tip that just occured to me....you know how sometimes when you leave a marketing event and you legitimately forget to take off the tag before you get inside the grocery store? It's somewhat embarrassing but we've probably all done it at least once before. Well, now, you can "forget" to take the tag off before going into the grocery store and get even more marketing time in.

    Now I'm a multi-tasking major marketing maven!!

    I am definitely going to use your ideas -- thanks for some great ones that I have not seen suggested before.

  • Chris Haddad
    Posted by Chris Haddad, Seattle, Washington | Feb 07, 2008

    Hey Ilse,

    Solid, useful stuff.

    c

  • Judy Dunn
    Posted by Judy Dunn, Seattle & Renton, Washington | Feb 21, 2008

    I've found all of your observations to be true. I would just add: I've found it better to pass my business card to someone AFTER we've been in a discussion and they know a little bit more about what I do. My eyes tend to glaze over when five people in a circle I'm standing in shove their business cards to me at the same time. I don't know them yet! I tend to remember the people who leave me with a business card after they've engaged me, made me want to know more about what they do and seem genuinely interested in me and my business.

    An insightful article, Ilise.

  • Tim  McGrath
    Posted by Tim McGrath, Sallisaw, Oklahoma | Mar 14, 2008

    Hi Ilise;

    I'm new to this networking stuff. See I've been in sales all my adult life. Normally I have a list of contacts to make and close the sale. But now that I'm a "Sales Manager" my job is to seek out new business using any method I can.

    I liked the point you made about the name tag and just in time too. I have a "Business After Hours" to attend at one of the chamber of Commerces we belong to. Your article was very informative and I printed it out so I can go over it every now and then.

    Thank you for writing it and I will look into buying your book as well.

    Tim McGrath Oklahoma Ink & Toner Company

  • Andrey Rozmaity
    Posted by Andrey Rozmaity, Seattle, Renton, Kent, Tacoma, Washington | Apr 14, 2008

    Thanks Ilise!

    Three things I took away from your article are:

    1. Silent conversation starters
    2. Introduce yourself with pizzazz
    3. Send a follow-up message


    Great article,

    -Andrey

  • Banu Sekendur
    Posted by Banu Sekendur, Seattle, Washington | Apr 30, 2008

    Ilise I really enjoyed your article. I've read many articles on networking but yours really stands out as easy to remember and implement. Great job! :)

    To add to the "follow-up message".... It feels stiff and "planned when it's just a "nice meeting you last night" kinda message. But if it includes a personal observation or a "take-away" from our conversation then it feels more real to me. Anyway, that's my to cents...

  • Chuck Cory
    Posted by Chuck Cory, Broomfield, Colorado | May 13, 2008

    This was absolutely outstanding. Ilse has gained a fan. I look forward to reading her book.

    Judy Dunn had some great comments. When someone starts to talk to me, rushing through their spiel while shoving their business card up my nose, I put it in the “probably not” pocket for appropriate disposal when I get home.

  • John Huddleston
    Posted by John Huddleston, Seattle & Bellevue, Washington | Jun 03, 2008

    Brilliant. Next event I go to I'll wear a name tag that says "Ask me a tax or quickbooks question." How easy an introduction is that! People often have questions saved up for their CPA or tax accountant. Good stuff!

    John Huddleston

    Huddleston Tax Consulting

  • Carol Skolnick
    Posted by Carol Skolnick, Santa Cruz, California | Aug 06, 2008

    Excellent ideas!